Daughter to Mother

Daughter to Mother
Hi Readers!
Welcome to the first official post of When I Was 18. This first post is entitled “Daughter to Mother”. I thought it was important to begin my journey discussing the relationship between mothers and daughters, particularly my relationship with my mother, because I believe the strongest bond women can have is indeed with their mothers. Women need to maintain or gain a healthy relationship with their mothers in order to progress in life. My relationship with my mother needs a lot of repair hence why I will spend a great deal discussing the issues in our relationship on this blog.
The first issue I will like to tackle is my mother’s hand in my body image. I will tell you right off the bat that one of my major problems that I discovered I have is that I don’t love myself. Let me make this clear: love is very different from like. I’ve always generally liked myself, but loving myself which includes accepting the flaws and embracing the imperfections not so much. That problem alone has led me to one of the darkest places I have ever gone. All the joy I was experiencing in life vanished because how could I truly enjoy life and be happy if I wasn’t happy with myself? My self-esteem has always been under attack since childhood and my main offender sadly was my mother. Now in her defense I know her intent was for me to “get the ugly truth” at home in a loving environment, so when I did venture out into the world I wouldn’t be hurt by what people said about me. Her harshness about my appearance was to help me survive the cruel world. As kind-hearted as this action intended to be it majorly backfired.
I didn’t find the extra preparation for the world helpful because it wasn’t helpful, it was hurtful. And what made matters worse to me is the negative views about myself came from my mother first, not the world. Those times when I felt weak, unworthy, ugly, stupid, and ect I wasn’t looking for a body consultant or a stylist. I was looking for a support system to tell me that I’m the most wonderful person in the world no matter what anyone says. My mother is not a bad mother. She’s one of the strongest people I know. I think she just fell into the trap that most women with low self-esteem do. When these women become mothers they try to prevent all the negativity they have experienced or observed as children from happening to their kids. So they drill into their children’s heads that they have to be a certain “something” in order to succeed. I know how it is to feel inadequate every time you walk into a room, but now its time to stop feeling that way and start loving myself. I found an amazing video on youtube entitled “How to love yourself in 8 really hard steps”. For people like me who have problems appreciating themselves the steps in the video are really helpful. I realize this video is mainly targeted at a “Fat Acceptance” audience, but the steps are universal. Along with the video I would like to add a couple of my own steps that I believe are important to include in order to truly love yourself.

9. Learn to be okay with being alone
Having to be with someone all the time to ensure your self-worth is so dangerous because then you allow people to treat you however they want. This behavior can lead to falling victim to abusive relationships. The greatest love you can have is love with yourself so learn to be comfortable by yourself.

10. Reclaim your identity
I played “yes man” for so many years because I did not want to upset anybody by causing friction where I believe was not needed. By saying yes to others wants and not my own I lost who I truly was. Re-learn who you are and then embrace your uniqueness because there is only one of you in the entire globe. Own it!

And last but not least…
11. Stop Hiding!
You’re not doing yourself a favor by being the “quiet girl”. You know what quiet girls get?- Nothing because no one hears their wants. You set yourself up to be neglected by the world because no one knows you even exist. Learn to speak up and have a voice.

Following those steps should really affect your outlook on yourself and really make yourself feel good. When you start loving yourself other people will start to love you.

Sincerely,
Lovethyself

This video does contain a small amount of foul language (2 words to be exact), so please be aware of this while viewing the video.

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