I’m a Barbie Girl!

Well its more like I’m a “Asian ball-jointed girl”! Recently my best friend introduced me to these gorgeous dolls and I have fallen in love. Now I am not a doll expert nor do I own any of these dolls, but for some strange reason I have been really drawn to them. Asian ball-jointed dolls are a modern style of dolls that look like plastic inspired manga characters.

They are freakishly realistic and totally breath-taking, and these dolls have quickly been growing into the hottest hobby around the world. I think I’m sort of succumbing to the dolfie-craze myself. I was thinking to myself why I like these dolls, why so many girls like these dolls, and I think I have a reason. Our society is a sight-driven culture. We like things pleasing to the eyes, hence why our celebrities and food and auto commercials have to look “perfect”. We have set a bar for desirable looks that are just almost impossible to reach. So how do we as a society cope with this? We establish clothing brands and make-up lines to become the “it girl”, and for the younger generations there are toys and tv show characters they want to emulate. I believe dolls are another form of trying to capture the ideal image that society has created. The Asian ball-jointed dolls are beautiful, fashionable, heck sometimes I get jealous of the style of the dolls, but in reality no one looks like them. I’m not downing the hobby what so ever. I think it is a great, fun activity for anybody to get involved in. I just thought since BJD’s was on my brain I would compare them to the growing barbie-syndrome that our society is suffering from. What do you think?


Daughter to Mother

Daughter to Mother
Hi Readers!
Welcome to the first official post of When I Was 18. This first post is entitled “Daughter to Mother”. I thought it was important to begin my journey discussing the relationship between mothers and daughters, particularly my relationship with my mother, because I believe the strongest bond women can have is indeed with their mothers. Women need to maintain or gain a healthy relationship with their mothers in order to progress in life. My relationship with my mother needs a lot of repair hence why I will spend a great deal discussing the issues in our relationship on this blog.
The first issue I will like to tackle is my mother’s hand in my body image. I will tell you right off the bat that one of my major problems that I discovered I have is that I don’t love myself. Let me make this clear: love is very different from like. I’ve always generally liked myself, but loving myself which includes accepting the flaws and embracing the imperfections not so much. That problem alone has led me to one of the darkest places I have ever gone. All the joy I was experiencing in life vanished because how could I truly enjoy life and be happy if I wasn’t happy with myself? My self-esteem has always been under attack since childhood and my main offender sadly was my mother. Now in her defense I know her intent was for me to “get the ugly truth” at home in a loving environment, so when I did venture out into the world I wouldn’t be hurt by what people said about me. Her harshness about my appearance was to help me survive the cruel world. As kind-hearted as this action intended to be it majorly backfired.
I didn’t find the extra preparation for the world helpful because it wasn’t helpful, it was hurtful. And what made matters worse to me is the negative views about myself came from my mother first, not the world. Those times when I felt weak, unworthy, ugly, stupid, and ect I wasn’t looking for a body consultant or a stylist. I was looking for a support system to tell me that I’m the most wonderful person in the world no matter what anyone says. My mother is not a bad mother. She’s one of the strongest people I know. I think she just fell into the trap that most women with low self-esteem do. When these women become mothers they try to prevent all the negativity they have experienced or observed as children from happening to their kids. So they drill into their children’s heads that they have to be a certain “something” in order to succeed. I know how it is to feel inadequate every time you walk into a room, but now its time to stop feeling that way and start loving myself. I found an amazing video on youtube entitled “How to love yourself in 8 really hard steps”. For people like me who have problems appreciating themselves the steps in the video are really helpful. I realize this video is mainly targeted at a “Fat Acceptance” audience, but the steps are universal. Along with the video I would like to add a couple of my own steps that I believe are important to include in order to truly love yourself.

9. Learn to be okay with being alone
Having to be with someone all the time to ensure your self-worth is so dangerous because then you allow people to treat you however they want. This behavior can lead to falling victim to abusive relationships. The greatest love you can have is love with yourself so learn to be comfortable by yourself.

10. Reclaim your identity
I played “yes man” for so many years because I did not want to upset anybody by causing friction where I believe was not needed. By saying yes to others wants and not my own I lost who I truly was. Re-learn who you are and then embrace your uniqueness because there is only one of you in the entire globe. Own it!

And last but not least…
11. Stop Hiding!
You’re not doing yourself a favor by being the “quiet girl”. You know what quiet girls get?- Nothing because no one hears their wants. You set yourself up to be neglected by the world because no one knows you even exist. Learn to speak up and have a voice.

Following those steps should really affect your outlook on yourself and really make yourself feel good. When you start loving yourself other people will start to love you.


This video does contain a small amount of foul language (2 words to be exact), so please be aware of this while viewing the video.

The Beginning

Hello readers!
I would like to start off by welcoming you to my blog “When I Was 18” and thank you for visiting this site. I’m really excited to be finally sharing my first post with the world. Since this is my first time writing on my blog this post is unfortunately going to have to be informative. I have to let you guys know what the site is about first so it’s a necessary evil. I promise that future posts will be much more fun . Okay now that I have that out of the way let me explain the reason why I’ve decided to start this blog. At the present I am 19 years old and a sophomore in college. You would think I’m having the time of my life. Well it’s exactly the opposite; I feel as if this is actually the worst period of my life. I’m not enjoying life as I should be. Before I was bubbly, happy, crazy, and a care-free teen, but when I turned 18 I became this uptight, rigid control-freak. I’ve spent a whole year like this being numb and silent to the environment around me. Life is passing me by as I know it. I’ve spent the entire summer pitying myself on why I wasn’t apart of the living anymore until I watched an iconic episode of Oprah. Now I know what you are saying “an episode of Oprah changed your life?” Yeah and eye brows should raise even more because the episode was an interview with sexy Hollywood icon Raquel Welch. But with that aside I really did take something from the episode that really struck a cord with me. Raquel Welch said “personal issues I never resolved came home to roost.” I feel that I have been taught to ignore issues and found things to distract myself from confronting my problems. This worked well for me for about 18 years until everything decided to pack itself into a nice, big, dysfunctional package and land right on my doorstep. Now I have encountered all these feelings that I don’t know what to do with, until now. I’m ready to move forward to become a better me, but in order to do that I have to question the past and dream of a great future; here’s where my blog comes into play. My mission with this blog is to truly live everyday to the fullest, and to reclaim the person I use to be. To do this I will have to abandon my old wall-flower ways and embrace life. Every post would be a new challenge for myself to overcome. As readers I welcome you to join me on this personal journey. Leave comments on things you think I should try or would liven up my life a bit more. This site is for the public, but it is very personal to me so please keep that in mind when commenting. I’ll end this post thanking you once again for joining me on my quest to repairing, re-examining, and renewing my life. I hope this website will be helpful to you and you’ll enjoy it just as much as I will.

Ready For Life